Producer or a Parasite
Recently we were driving and I saw a political sign which caught my attention. By its very nature, it was created to illicit a deep vitriolic response. Although it created a response in me, it was not the one it intended. It got me to thinking and I ask the question: In the financial condition within your marriage are you a producer or a parasite?
Background
I know of a woman who has been married for 19 years and her husband has not worked for the last 13 years. When I first met her, she would tell me how her husband was a house husband, and he did not work, because his job was to care of the kids. I thought how progressive. I'm not sure I could do that, going off to work every day while my husband got to stay at home doing all the mommy stuff I'd want to do. Then, the longer I got to know her the more I found out it was just a facade, a story she told people to explain why her husband did not work.You see he was not helping their family, as I saw it looking from the outside. When the children got sick, or needed to be picked up early from school, she would have to take off of work early. When they were out of school for holidays or on school breaks, she would have to take them to a relative so she wouldn't have to take off from work. Then I got to wondering, “What is he doing if she's working every day and running around with the kids?”
Insights
There was a time in our marriage when I did not work traditionally outside the home. I was so excited when I up and quit my job, that I could be a stay at home mom. I never really thought that was my lot in life, but as we developed a deeper walk in Christ, I felt like this is just the way it's supposed to be. Well after a couple months, I quickly found out it wasn't for me. I then decided I'm going to start my own business. Not as an accountant, for which I had years of education and training, but I wanted to be creative. I wanted to create floral arrangements and make candles, for sale.I was gung ho, turning part of our garage into my workshop! I spent days out buying supplies, making business cards and going to every craft show I could find. Now, I knew I needed to make some money. Our son was still in private school, so I would take the occasional temporary contract job to do the books for some local small business that was in between bookkeepers or accounts but my heart was totally sold out for this new business venture.
I would be so wrapped up in my own thing that I may or may not cook that day. I would sign up for 2-4 day craft shows, expecting my husband to cover everything while I was building my empire. It had gotten to the point where we were fighting daily about the money I was taking out of the household. I had become a parasite. Merriam-Webster defines a parasite as "an animal or plant that lives in or on another animal or plant and gets food or protection from it". Ouch that hurt!
Why do I share these two stories? For some of us we are or may be married to someone who operates as a parasite financially in our marriage. They take, take, take and give very little back in return. Some of us have started businesses using the family money to fund it, but more and more of the money is going to the business and the family is beginning to suffer because of it. Others of us are in a constant state of unemployment, not because there are no jobs, but because we don't want to work or don't want to work doing what's available. For some we have made a decision to simply not contribute.
Please hear me; I AM NOT talking about stay at home moms who are taking care of the children and the home. I salute those who are working tirelessly to take care of their home. There is a special grace that I admire in those who do that. I am also not talking to those who cannot work for whatever reason, such as health related. I am talking to those, who for whatever reason are making their family's financial condition tenuous. Proverbs 19:14-16 says this "House and land are handed down from parents, but a congenial spouse comes straight from God. Life collapses on loafers; lazybones go hungry. Keep the rules and keep your life; careless living kills." (MSG). I say to those for whom this applies...Get up, get out and get to working!
Victory
In the back of my mind I felt I deserved to take some time to figure out what I wanted to do. I have been working since I was 13, and for the first five years of our marriage I was the main bread winner. I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought my husband owed me. However what I was doing was bringing us down. Since I knew I did not want to go back to working a 9-5, I had to figure out what I wanted to do. The more calls I received to work as a consultant to small businesses, the more God's plan revealed itself to me.Today I can say that financially I am an asset to my family. Through honest conversations we developed a plan we both could agree on. It's not about equal contribution but it is about equal effort. While I don't work full time, I do contribute financially, I am there for my son as we are preparing him to graduate High School next year, and I have freedom to work on some things that fulfill me.
We have learned to not be selfish, and to think more highly of our family than of ourselves. What are the steps you need to take to stop walking in selfishness? Are you a producer or a parasite? Hopefully you will vow to be a producer from this point forward. If you are married to a parasite, first pray, then go to them in love, showing them the family's financial condition. In love, stress to them the importance of not only contributing to the household, but adding to it more than they are taking away from.
In life we all have moments when we are walking in a state of either being a producer or a parasite. It's however in the prolonged states of being a parasite that we must examine ourselves and find out what is really going on within us. For me, I found it was a sense of entitlement and a little resentment. So I had to grow up, get over it and get back to work.
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