The Joneses Who?

The Joneses Who?

Our Co-Pastor was preaching the other night and she got me to thinking. She talked about how people should not try to do what they did, spending wise. People will see someone wearing a different suit every week and think I want to do that. Or just because someone is carrying a designer purse does not mean you need to carry one. Of course I was just amening away, as I believe it's true. Then I had to look at myself and ask who am I trying to keep up with? Who am I trying to keep my husband and son with? Am I trying to keep up with the Joneses?

Background 

Ok I'm going to date myself but when I was in high school the trend of kids wearing expensive tennis shoes was just starting, you remember the first Air Jordans. Me not being an athlete I just wanted them because I wanted to be stylish, I wanted what others had. So my mother, the ever frugal shopper, found us some Pumas at K-Mart, I didn't know where they came from. I really thought I was something with my new white Pumas and my neon green and pink shoe laces. Then as quickly as I was enamored with my shoes, I then hated them because someone told me my mom got them from K-Mart.

Back then K-Mart was seen as a place that people who didn't have much money shopped, a place people looked down on. I was embarrassed, then mad, then I just tossed them to the side, never to wear them again. My mother spent that money, to have me dressing like the other kids, cause I wanted them. Now if she had not been the person she was she could have easily spent a lot of money on some fade, that I really didn't need and would get bored with. Parents will often go broke trying to dress their kids from head to toe with the latest fashions. Trying to compete with the Joneses.

Insights

After my about face on my shoes my mother started having conversations with me about fade vs timeless pieces. She also talked to me about not letting what others have spend my money for me. It was a valuable lesson. We have had the same conversations with our son. I wonder how people will spend their whole paycheck, forgetting about the bills they have to pay to get the latest this or that purse they saw so and so carrying. They will spend half their income on an expensive car only to park it in front of their apartment building. We don't often share how it is more important to use that money to invest in a home of your own and just buy a reasonable car, or drive a less flashy car, we would call that a hoopty, that we paid cash for instead of getting into debt.

People will then in order to afford all the things they want because someone else has it, have to work two or three jobs. They spend all their time at work chasing after the dollar instead of spending time with their family. I signed up to receive text message encouragement about marriage. I received this "Your love of money should not overshadow your love for a healthy marriage. Don't allow money to stress your marriage. Stay on one accord." Trying to keep up with the Joneses is stressful on everyone.

When you try to walk in someone else's anointing, trying to emulate the things others have, it becomes a weight around your neck weighing you down. David's story tells it like this "Then Saul outfitted David as a soldier in armor. He put his bronze helmet on his head and belted his sword on him over the armor. David tried to walk but he could hardly budge. David told Saul, “I can’t even move with all this stuff on me. I’m not used to this.” And he took it all off." 1 Samuel 17:38-39. (MSG) Trying to keep up with the Joneses is really walking in envy.

Our desire to want so much more for our children, our family and ourselves can really be a spirit of envy.We are teaching our kids not to be happy with what they have. We model that for our children and then they live their lives operating out of envy. Envy causes us to spend more than we should, create excessive credit card debt, and really have us bound. We pass on these bad habits to our children, them to their children, so and so forth, it becomes a generational curse, being broke!

As mothers we spend on our children, sometimes, from an emotional place. We want our children to be well liked, not looked on as being different. We equate that to being just as good as someone else. So because we don't have them to be picked on we over buy and teach them to chase after the latest fade. What we are really telling them is without all the trappings of this world you are not good enough, when you get down to it.

Victory

When our son was young we purposed it in our hearts to not run after things. Being an only child it is easy to over indulge. We had to explain to him just because someone else has this or that does not mean we have to have it. We had to train our conversation so that we were not speaking I wish I had what so and so has. We do not make public figures, athletes and actors, the images we are modeling ourselves after.

Do we have nice things? Sure we do. We don't however go into debt to have it. When we built our second home we really had to practice what we preached. We went from a 1700 sq ft home to a 3200 sq ft home, and wow did we have a lot of space to furnish. We paid cash for our dining room and family room furniture and re-purposed the living room, guest bedroom and our son's room. We didn't have enough furniture or money to furnish our bedroom. So for six to eight months we slept on mattress/box springs on the floor and milk crates that served as our night stands.

We could have easily fallen in to the trap that this person we know, or that neighbor we know has all these nice things, we should go out and get into debt to furnish the house. Or when friends and family came over we could have been ashamed because we didn't have bedroom furniture.We had to stand on the belief that what we have or do not have, compared to other people will not define who we are. We were not competing with the Joneses.

When we focus on things outside ourselves to determine our self worth we make those things our idols. Then those idols become the only thing we focus on and all our money, time and talents go to feed that idol. We must realize we are more than enough, God made us perfect just as we are. After all we are made in his image. Our example of who we should be striving to be like is Jesus Christ. No car, shoe, purse, hair, or gadget is going to satisfy us completely. We will only be satisfied when we are content in God.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, we come to you today thanking you for your love, grace and mercy. I thank you God for you breaking the spirit of envy from our lives. Thank you for taking those idols from before our eyes and putting our focus back on you. Lord help us to be satisfied in you. Let our desires be for more of you and less for things. We know you tell us that we can have the desires of our hearts, that are according to your will, and our desires are for you Lord Jesus, more of you. Give is the strength to say no to desires of being like someone else and the courage to walk in being who you have created us to be. Help us realize and accept we are more than enough just as we are because we are wonderfully made and are marvelous in thine eyes. We ask all these things in your son's name Jesus Christ. Amen.

Gurl watch yo mouth

Gurl watch yo mouth

At church a few nights ago we were in small groups. We were reading scripture then we were praying the scripture applying it to our lives and the ministries we served in. Then the leader of one of the ministries I serve recalled and shared a scripture from a sermon a guest Pastor had preached. I recalled that same sermon but didn't think much about it. But boy did my spirit man run with it all night. The Lord woke me up with this "Gurl watch yo mouth!"

Insight

A few years ago, shortly after we came out of bankruptcy, my dad's family came to my parents house for a family reunion. I says my dad's family as we have attended four family reunions over the years, my grandmother's family, my grandfather's family, my dad's family, and my husband's family. Ok, ok, I digress. Well anyway I had heard a word in church and I proclaimed "I'm not poor anymore!" They all were stunned a little, kind of laughed and joked, teased a little, then moved on. But you see I was so serious.

Our Pastor's, Apostle Keith Wesley, Pastor, Apostle Skip Horton, had spoke a word from this scripture "The Master, God, has given me a well-taught tongue, So I know how to encourage tired people. He wakes me up in the morning, Wakes me up, opens my ears to listen as one ready to take orders." Isaiah 50:4-9 (MSG) We had just come out of a very trying, embarrassing time. How am I, this person who handles money for so many others, in bankruptcy and having such dire financial problems. We had come out of that and a car repossession, I will share about that at another time, and whew things were finally looking up. We had sold our first home and were building our second. We had been blessed with financing as most places would not touch us. We had a big down payment, proceeds from the sell of our first home, had to pay a couple points but we were just grateful. The whole house building thing was another life lesson for me, but again I digress.

God was really doing something in our lives but I kept finding myself saying I don't have any money. Every time I turned around that was coming out my mouth. My countenance had changed too. Now I believed something, my faith was strong, but my confession was out of line with what God was doing. Then Apostle Horton spoke and my spirit really grabbed on. Look my daddy God owns the cattle in a thousand hills, he created the heavens and the earth. All the wealth in the world he created and gave me dominion over it. If I say I'm a child of God why am I constantly saying "I'm broke". Gurl you betta watch yo mouth!

Victory

I had to begin to confess a new thing and it came out "I'm not poor anymore!" That confession wasn't just for myself but it was for you too. We say things all the time that speak death not life. We say things like: "This won't work", "I can't do this", "I'm so sick of this (or you)", "My marriage won't work", "My kids are bad, they won't listen, they don't love me" and many more things that are distructructive self talk. We have to stop that, right now.

When I said I wasn't poor, things were not the best financially for us. But I had to start saying things differently. No longer was it "I don't have any money" but it's "I don't have it right now". For some that might just be semantics but for me there was a promise in that. You see "right now" is just a fixed moment in time, but each day is a new day, a new promise in The Lord.

My dear hubby has alway been a man of faith. He never really gets down or out about anything. He always has these big visions or sees things past where we are right now. Our second home we built he found. He liked going around to the annual Homes Tours. He would go to different community's and see different home models, different builders, and different subdivisions. He saw a model he liked but really he thought oh she would love this. Then, loving a deal, he saw that the builder built in another town the same model, but the price was significantly less. So then he drags our son along, and my son (who was 4 at the time) says oh yes mommy would love this house.

It wasn't until I got the revelation myself and started confessing out of my mouth "I'm not poor anymore" could they show me the house. Any sooner I would have aborted this move of God. The power of life and death really is in your tongue and what you confess. So try it, confess a new thing, and don't be afraid of the ridicule. Members of my family still tease me today. "Ya that's right I forgot you're not poor anymore!". But that's ok because they are right, I'm not. I'm not, my husband's not. My son's not. My grandchildren will not be and their children after that will not be. That's okay if it starts with me, I can carry that burden. Will it start with you?

Prayer
Daddy God, we are just so grateful. Grateful for this day, grateful for your love, grateful for life, grateful for another chance to do your will. Father we ask you to govern our tongue and our words. Help us to speak life to all situations. Help us to not wallow in defeat, persecution, poverty, lack of money, love, or joy. God help us to speak victory, prosperity, more than enough, love, peace and joy. Help us to use right words and to see that we are more than an overcomer in all things because you live in us and you live through us. Help us to be the change we want to see and break generational curses that have had us bound. Lord we speak positively and definitively that today we, our husbands, our children, our grandchildren, great-grandchildren and the generations to come will no longer live under lack. We are mighty because you are our Redeemer, our Provider, our Father in Heaven. We ask these things, and believe it is so, in Jesus' name. Amen.

Back Money

Back Money

How often do we, women, hold back or hide money from our husbands. We are in essence stealing from our family. We are also creating a break in our relationship. Any time we with hold back, whether it is money, sex, or honesty, we are creating areas that we are saying I don't trust you enough with all of me.

Background 

I don't remember the first time I started taking a few dollars and putting it back, behind my checkbook, for just in case. You see I like, candy, Starbucks and shoes. I also love gizmos for the kitchen and electronics. At first it was my lunch budget money. I don't always eat lunch or if I do I might just pack a little something from home. Since it was my allotted money I felt I could do whatever I wanted. 

Then it started to be, I have to go to the ATM to make this deposit. Do I have another transaction, the message would ask, sure I do. $10 or $20 isn't going to be missed. Then I started having to dip into this money, I had put aside for me to splurge on, because our account was running low, to put a little gas in the tank or pick up a gallon of milk for our son. 

Then I was padding our account by $100, because my husband was using the debit card for things I hadn't budgeted for, so our account wouldn't be overdrawn. Then the last straw was I had stocks left over from some 401k that I was going to save back. Not tell him about because if I left him I would need something to start my new life over.

Insight

One day when my husband was watching Judge Brown, he spilled the secret on back money. My husband looked at me and I knew I was caught. I could have lied and minimized it but I came clean. Come to find out he had his own form of back money too. For him it was walking around money. He loves Craig's List. He would sell this or that, mostly watches, so he could buy another watch or some electronic gadget. He also collects loose change, which adds up. Turning that loose change into pocket money was his way of trying alleviate the need to withdraw from the bank account.

For me the back money was somehow something much deeper. I had come to believe I couldn't trust my husband, when it came to money. He was going to do something that would plunge us into financial ruin so I needed to have my own money set aside. He didn't need to know about it either, or he would waste it too. I really had to look at where these insecurities were coming from. I just didn't trust that God would keep us. I felt like I had do it all in my own strength. I also didn't believe my marriage was going to last. And because of that I needed a financial lifeboat. When I decided to jump ship I needed all my provisions in place.

Victory

Praise God jumping ship is no longer an option. While I still have back money, but it's not mine or his, it's ours. We openly tell each other how much money we have set aside. We now have a spending limit. We've determined a set amount we can spend independently and anything over that amount we talk about it with the other first. 

We don't have accounts or investments the other doesn't know about. We are on the same page but more importantly I no longer feel I need protect myself against him. I have learned to turn it over to God and let him fight my battles. Do we fall back into some of our old habits? Sure we do, but I have come to a place of maturity. I can talk to him about what I notice in myself or in him and we work through it together. The Bible says this, "How wonderful, how beautiful, when brothers and sisters get along!" Psalm 133:1 (MSG) Because we are not holding anything back from each other, we are working together. Life is so much easier when you have someone you can truely share it with.

We were speaking to a gentleman recently. He was sharing his desire to get his family's finances under control and get out of debt. He was saying how he was retired and on a fixed income and has very little left to work towards debt reduction, but that which he has he intends to use. There is just one obstacle, his wife. He said I know she has back money but she doesn't know I know. He said he notices when she asks for money for this or that and he tells her he doesn't have it. He says sure enough he will walk away and as he looks over his shoulder there she is pulling money out from wherever she stored it and she is counting it. They are not on the same page. He wants to help their family, but he needs a little help from her too.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, we thank you for the work you are doing in us. God you are maturing us and we are so grateful that you don't give up on us. God we just thank you for breaking our secrecy about money. Our withholding from our spouse. We thank you that we are becoming open and transparent with our spouse and this is one area we will not give a foothold to the devil. God we bring those thoughts into subjection that tell us I have to have my own money for this or for that. We say we are done with our mistrust and or insecurities. God we believe that we can and will work together with our spouse and our financial peace is coming, it's on it way. We believe it and decree it by the blood of Jesus. We ask these things in Jesus Christ's name. Amen.