Is He Trippin?

Is He Trippin?

It's been weighing on me for a little bit, this notion that my husband is really tripping! Very rarely does he make a stand or make absolute statements but when he does my mind really convulses and I wonder is it him or is it me.

Background

Several years ago I had a decent start to retirement savings in my 401(k). Then we bought our first house and needed it, along with a little help from others, to make a down payment. So I cashed it in and that was the end of my retirement fund. It didn't bother me too much until we started paying attention to my husband's retirement fund. You see while I started my own business, working part time as a consultant so I could be available to run around with our son, he was continuing to be wise and prepare for the future.

Then we got a statement from his former employer, his first full time job, and he had a little money that was sitting in a fund. He was supposed to cash it out and we would pay off some bills we had…that was the agreement. A year would go by another statement would come in the mail and he still hadn't cashed it out. He would make another promise to do so and this went on for a few years. Finally seeing that this was not going to happen, I started talking about taking some of our savings, and me starting an investment account as well. We established an amount, but it took a couple more years before that happened.

So last year after we paid off more credit cards, we agreed on an amount we would use to establish an investment account. I waited a little bit for him to come along, researched which company to use, which stocks or funds to invest in and what amounts; but he didn't move. So I took half of what we said we would use and opened the account. I invested in a stock and a fund I had talked with him about and off I went. I showed him what I did, would give him updates on how it was performing and I waited. Waited for him to say let's invest the rest.

When it didn't happen (in the time frame I thought it should,) I then decided I should invest the rest. I researched, made a list of funds/stocks I found interesting, and started watching their performance. When I felt I had enough information, I went to him and said, with a hint of a question in my voice, “I think we should invest the rest here.” He told me no, and that he wanted to do it together because he didn't know what I did the first time! What?

Insights

As we have been fasting with our church and I have been doing an additional period of fasting with a group of women, all these things come up. This has been a seven year process. I would say ordeal but choosing the right words is paramount in all situations. I was sitting down with a lovely woman from our church. Why I brought this whole process up, I have no idea. I was telling her how I was worried about retirement, how he has money set aside and I don't. I told her how we agreed and how I shouldn't be penalized because he was slow to act. How he said he didn't know what I had done but I had told him everything; and how he has money designated through his job, that he didn't consult with me about. He, he, he, he....he's trippin!

In her nice and smiling way, she said I know, I know Frenchette. You see she shared with me that she was going through some of the same struggles but hers were 20 years further in the future than were mine. She shared she had the same concerns about being at retirement age and not having enough income, from her working years, to draw social security because she had worked in the home for so many years. She had some of the same concerns but from a place of maturity she could tell me to stop letting this one issue consume me. It wasn't him it was me. I was trippin!

I told her, as we tried to look at it from his point of view, that my husband always tells me when I say I don't have this or that concerning retirement, that his is not his, its ours. When he says that I think inwardly, probably outwardly, I just roll my eyes. He looks at our futures as joint futures together. So whatever he has we both have. There is no mine or yours. For me I still have some deep seeded issue of not protecting myself just in case. Boy do I still have some growing up to do!

Take Away

I just thank God he sends people into your life to help you make small course corrections. My interaction with my wonderful wise sister in Christ reminds me of these verses "Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives." Titus 2:1-6 (MSG). At that very moment, before it grew into something that could drive a wedge between the two of us, God sent her to me so I could get it together.

Will we have a conversation, yes. Will I let it consume me and cause me to start having negative thoughts about and start acting out to my husband, no. I have a new perspective and sometimes that's really all we need. Just over the last two weeks the stock market has been on a roller coaster and is predicted to be that way for some time. There is a very real possibility we could lose that investment. What if we did and I was operating on my own and not as a team? That could put a wedge between us because we are not on one accord.

I will wait until my husband is ready to move. This situation is like when God gives us a tiny view of his plan for us. We sometimes charge ahead before he gives us the go ahead. When we move before he says move we are operating in our own will and not the will of God. My very wise friend showed me this. I so love how even when we are acting out, God sends us someone who can give us the kick in the right direction. My talk with her really showed me it's not about yours or mine but really to see it from his point of view, OURS. I see where his outlook is at our future together. I need to see that his intention is to take care of us. Don't be like me and let your insecurities take over your life and mess up the blessings that God has for you.

Prayer

Heavenly Father we thank you for the people you put in our lives. How you send angels to us to get us back on track, getting us to move in the direction in which we should go. Lord govern our mouths and our minds to not speak against what you would have for us. Lord thank you for the husband you have given me that cares for me and who wants to take care of me. Thank you that he is wanting the best for me and is not easily swayed when I act out of insecurity. Lord I pray for my husband and his leadership in our family. Help me to follow where he leads and give him heavenly insight so that he leads according to your plan. I pray for financial peace and I say, this day, Lord I believe you will provide all that we need in this present moment and in the future to come. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.