The Power Of The Purse - Redux

The Power of the Purse - Redux

We performed a very small unscientific poll concerning money issues in marriage. The results were that the issue that concerned the participants most was who is responsible for managing the money in marriages. I had intended to write a completely difference blog but the Lord but this scripture in my spirit Proverbs 21:1-2 "Good leadership is a channel of water controlled by God; he directs it to whatever ends he chooses. We justify our actions by appearances; God examines our motives."(MSG). So my question is what is the motive behind who manages the finances and what are our motives for wanting to change the status quo?

Background

I wanted to write about who should and who should not manage the money in your family. What my experiences were and the resolution my family came to. But as I was mulling this over we went out of town to attend a marriage retreat this weekend that my church sponsors. I register couples for this event and before we went I received a call from a wife who wanted to cancel their registration.

When we first started talking she was talking about how he this and he that. But as we talked more it became evident that she had decided it wasn't worth going and she was ready to give up. I started sharing with her how my marriage had hit a rough patch a few years ago. We decided to go to counseling but I had only agreed to counseling so I could say I had tried everything while in the back of my mind I had already intended to leave.

You see I had been hurt, very badly by my husband. His story is not for me to share but I can share my reaction. I was angry, hurt, I lost confidence in the love he professed he had for me and I lost confidence in myself. As a wife, a mother, a lover, my whole world view had been turned upside down. I couldn't get passed it. So I withheld everything from him, love, affection, trust, my very being I could no longer give him, any part of me.

What does this have to do with finances? I would venture to guess, everything for some.

Insight

Money is a very emotional issue for a lot of people and therefore it is a very emotional issue in a lot of marriages. For some the control or the management of money in your home is a way to get and/or maintain control in an out of control situation. So my question is why are we concerned with who is or should be handling the finances for our family?

For me I started out managing our finances because I knew what to do. My husband had never managed money before but really it was because I was making the money, I felt I should handle it and I didn't trust him. Then when it appeared early on that his was reckless or so I thought, it just confirmed to me that he couldn't handle it. Then because of bad decisions we both made I wanted him to take over because I didn't want the stress and responsibility when it got too hard.

Those who are not satisfied with their current financial situation will want change, whether you are the one managing the finances or its your spouse. What is your true motivation? Scripture tells us the once who is leading in the area of finance is controlled by God and if God is not leading them then they must examine their motives. Do you want change because you think you can do it better? Do you think your spouse is irresponsible with money? Are things tough and you do not want the responsibility anymore? Have you given up and don't want to stay in the fight? What is the real reason?

Victory

It really doesn't matter who handles you finances if you are both not on the same page, in the fight together and equally willing to make the sacrifices necessary for your family to have financial victory. When I made the decision to stay in the relationship I made the decision to fight for our marriage, to put in the work. I had to let go of past hurts and learn to forgive. Once I learned to forgive then I had to learn to forget. I heard someone say once that forgiveness is forgetting the hurt associated with the pain someone has caused you. It’s not about forgetting the act but not dwelling on the pain, letting it re-injure you over and over again.

It's the same with finances. Having a fresh start, with whoever is managing the finances, is not about remembering the mistakes that were made but working together to not make them and others again. We all make financial mistakes; we've all had financial indiscretions. It's what you determine to do from this point forward that counts. Let God be the leader in your home.

Pray together, share the responsibilities and the decisions. There has to be a point where you no longer operate separately but as a unit. They say in any organization you are only as strong as your weakest link. Don't dwell on the weaknesses but learn to strengthen each other. We learned in our marriage I am good with the details while he is good with the big picture. He sees the vision and I make the plans. I am not a big picture kind of person.

It would be foolish for me to try and walk in something that God has not made me to be. Don't worry about who is responsible for what, that is childish. The question really should be how can I make things better. When you focus on what you can do to make things better you don't get weighed down in trivialities. Let God lead you, worry about yourself and it will get better.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, we thank you that you love us so much you sent your son to die on the cross for our sins. You have made a way that we may reconcile ourselves back to you. Thank you that you forgive our sins. We ask you Lord to help us to forgive our spouse and that our spouse will forgive us of our sins. Father help us to get past the pains and hurts that have been visited on us. Let us walk in what God has called us to be and not envy someone else's gifting. Let us be satisfied in the way you have made us, perfecting ourselves so that we represent you well in marriage. Help our marriages be good examples for others to follow. Not for our own glory but for your glory. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen