Stepping out of my comfort zone
I don't really journal but after conversations through the years with friends about money issues, I feel compelled so share my insights concerning money in marriage and a godly woman's struggle and prayerful a godly woman's victory in the area of money.Background
I am a married mother of 1. My husband and I were college sweethearts. We've been married for 20. I've worked with money for what seems like all my life. I started working for my family's business at 13 and at a very young age I performed tasks like payroll, invoicing, collections, bank account reconciliations and managing debt/bill paying. My uncle who took over the business in 1983, my grandfather started it in 1958, once told me that in business or in organization always handle the money. He said whoever handles the money usually has the greatest impact or control in the organization. That really stuck with me and in marriage, in church, and in business I have always handled the money.I have a degree in accounting. I have worked for several businesses in the area of finance. I started my own business consulting company in 1999. I like numbers and fortunately or unfortunately see the world in terms of numbers.
Growing up my mother handled the money in the home and was the saver, while my dad was the spender. From the time I first started working she always stressed savings and having money set aside. I don't ever recall have a conversation about money with my dad. We always knew if we went shopping with my mom it was gonna be on sale and if we went shopping with my dad, the sky was the limit.
So my take away was always handle the money. Have something set aside and in marriage there will always be one who saves the money and there will be one who spends the money.
Insights
While I knew about how to handle money and the importance of saving, I really didn't understand God's role in money and how to work together in marriage concerning money. When my husband and I first got married he was still in school and I was the one working. I made the money, and managed the money and I doled it out to him based on what I thought was necessary spending. This went on for several years, even after he finished school and started working, until I got pregnant. I remember saying I want to raise our son in church and I want my husband and I to go to church and be on the same page. I wanted him to be the provider and leader in our home and since money, and the need for security was my biggest issue I thought, I turned our financial life over to him. No warning, no instruction and with no assistance. I just dropped it and walked away. Well things didn't turn out so well.He had his own issues about money and had never been instructed on how to manage money. I had a difficult pregnancy, our son was born 1 month early. After practically working part-time two months before he was born I was then off work, needless to say our finances were a mess. We filed Chapter 13 shortly after our son was born and that's when reality hit.
I used to resent my husband. Everything was in either in my name or on my credit; the car, bank accounts, credit cards, utilities and even our first home. It seemed like I was bogged down with weight of the world and he was just skipping along fancy free. He would buy lunch at work, electronics on what seemed like a whim, and made unnecessary spending, while I was juggling buying groceries, making sure our utilities didn't get turned off and we had a roof over our head. That is how it seemed to me.
My husband always worked and worked hard. But because I never shared what was really going on, he never knew that just because it says there is money in the bank does not mean its available to spend. There was also something lacking, God's stewardship concerning money. We did not tithe or give regularly to the church. Money was so tight we just didn't see how we could give 10% of anything. So the bankruptcy came and we had to make some hard decisions.
We had to determine were we going to keep doing the same old thing or were we going to do a new thing. We first determined that God is first. We were going to start tithing. No matter what. We made our debt repayments and then we would go from there. We started talking about money and because I was better with money we agreed I would handle it. We lived by our budget and we were frugal with all spending.
Victory
We came out of bankruptcy stronger than ever. We paid our debt back. We are on the same page and have raised our son with an understanding of how our family will operate concerning money. My husband just taught a Sunday class on money at our church with two other men. He shared insights and tools with the class that I believe will empower others to get out debt and gain victory other their finances.God turned our situation around. Because we determined to put him first, my husband got a better job, then another and another. We have been able to build two homes, we are now in the home we intend to retire in. We have traveled oversees, something we dreamed of doing. And have been able to open our home to host 3 exchange students. We no longer fight about money and really see it as a tool to be a blessing to others.
Have we had setbacks, sure. Have there been issues that pop up, sure. My goal with this blog is to share some specific issues that we have faced or topics that have come up with friends and share strategies on how to overcome when it comes to your finances from a woman's perspective. Feel free to share concerns or ask questions. God says in his word "Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in every way and [that your body] may keep well, even as [I know] your soul keeps well and prospers." 3 John 1:2. (AMP) I believe that true for every area of our lives.
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